Communication tips

The most important part of any relationship is communication. When engaged in conversation with your Adored One, a different set of rules apply than when talking to somebody mundane. Don't embarass yourself by forgetting to behave as if every meeting is a scene in an on-going romantic epic. Here are a few pointers to help you keep your head on straight:

Rule #1: They are incapable of saying anything that is not important for you to know. Here are some specific items you might want to keep an ear out for:

• Personal History - The details of every anecdote they share should be forever burned into your memory. Where they grew up, how they get along with their family, how they met their current significant other, etc..
• Likes and Dislikes - They probably won't tell you things like their favorite flower more than once by chance, so don't forget. You never know when such information will be useful. Lesser things are also good to keep track of... not a fan of green peppers, prefers Dr. Crusher to Dr. Pulaski, doesn't like it when people quote their emails in replies...
• Other Random Tidbits - Examples: lost their beloved cassette of "The Grand Canyon Suite", wishes they could beat their younger brother at Nintendo, has ten different kinds of breakfast cereal in their kitchen cabinet, and so on.

As you sit with them listening to that smooth, calming voice, you are likely to become entranced by the movement of their sweet, beckoning lips, the subtle variations in the color of their hair, and the texture of the skin on their hands. Try not to be distracted for too long, however, or you may lose track of the conversation and give them the impression that you find them uninteresting. With a little practice, you'll learn how to multitask during your interactions so you can both listen intently and take part in a meticulous study of their face and body at the same time.

Awkward silences are best avoided, so make sure to compose a mental list of several things you can tell or ask them about before paying your Adored One a visit.

Whenever you have anything remotely important to tell them, rehearse it obsessively beforehand.

• Warning: Be aware that conversations won't always unfold exactly as you have scripted them, so have a contingency plan. Try out a few variations and be prepared to improvise.

Let your eyes drift away from your Adored One for at least one second out of each minute.

Never pass up the opportunity to lob a clumsily-delivered compliment their way. Don't bother trying to be smooth; by virtue of your feelings for them, that is out of your hands. Based on the statistics, if you make enough attempts, there will be an occasional movie-quality moment, but they won't be common.

• You are obligated to give an audible pshaw when they make any self-deprecating comment, particularly if it regards their physical appearance.

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Last modified on 2005-February-11.