The dénouement

As you may have learned in high school -- I did, at least -- many works of fiction can be broken down into segments based on the level of tension in the story. You begin with what is called the "rising action" where you learn about the characters and their setting, and the the action is set up. This builds until you reach the story's dramatic climax, and afterwards the story is wrapped up as the consequences of what came before are played out. The future for our characters begins to take shape. This last section of the story is called the falling action, and ends with the resolution, or "dénouement".

Now that you've confronted your love for the Adored One, and their reaction to your miserable state has been established, you might be wondering about your own future, and what sort of part they might play in it. Don't count on a deus ex machina -- read up and prepare yourself for some of the possibilities.

What happens immediately after you and your Adored One confront your feelings depends, naturally, on the nature of that confrontation and their first reaction to it. Usually, though, there will be some level of awkwardness between you, even if your confession came as no surprise to them. What should you do?

• Chances are you can tell there's something bothering they who form the blazing fire at the heart of your universe. Refuse to be convinced that it's your fault, and inquire about it until they are forced to say they're feeling uncomfortable around you. Then, completely avoid them at all costs for at least a week.

After the immediate resolutions, what should you expect for the future and beyond? There are a lot of directions this could go, and even when you're in the thick of it, you might be taken by surprise and end up on a road you hadn't anticipated. The full spectrum of possible relationships is covered, really.

• Sometimes these incidents actually make things better. Even without becoming romantically involved, your friendship may grow closer. People generally like being liked, so, maybe your Adored One will respond positively and lower some of their barriers, despite not sharing your interest in something deeper.
• The friendship may resume more or less unchanged. You were friends before, and just because you think about them roughly every ninety seconds doesn't mean the dynamic needs to be adjusted at all. Like any friendship, though, this is prone to an eventual drift. That, unfortunately, is very difficult to avoid.
• There may be some sort of extended weirdness, especially if the Adored One doesn't really know what they want. They say they want to remain friends, and back it up with an occasional email or call, but tend to be nonresponsive to your own communiques. What is going on? They always have an excuse to not meet for a social call, so maybe they're not really comfortable with the idea after all... but then why are they sending you links to funny websites and asking if you've seen a recent movie? Maybe things are okay after all, and they're just really busy... yeah, that's it. Of course, how busy do they really have to be to not manage to write or call back over the course of an entire month in order to say goodbye before moving a thousand miles away?
• Friendship over. It's simply intolerable to them to be seen as a wonderful person with so much to offer to the world. Furthermore, you are clearly a moron to think that such a situation may have been tenable. A disgusting moron, even. Yeah. That makes sense.

And you? How will you feel about the Adored One when all is over?

• As part of your recovery, sometimes flaws in your Adored One begin to surface. They most certainly were not there before, as I'm certain you can attest to this being's utter perfection, but after denying you their indiosyncracies tend to grow and develop into actual bad points. This is probably some sort of cosmic/karmic punishment for rejecting you.
• Few Adored Ones ever end up un-adored. There's something there -- something that you alone see in them which makes them stand out from the mundanes. Quite possibly you saw it before you even really knew them. Distance and time may dull your attunement to their glory, but a hint of it, at least, will always be there. The most terrifying part of falling out of love is the perceived loss of their greatness, their song, their light. Do not be afraid. Your access to that realm of pure bliss which they provide need never be revoked. You can love without longing. There is no specific route by which you can take your image of the Adored One to this chivalric state, but it does exist, and you will probably end up taking many great people there before you find a mutual romance.
• If the two of you lose contact, an after-image of their brilliance will remain when you close your eyes, but it will, in time, fade. You may feel lost for a time, or even numb, but there will almost certainly be others. Some are greater, some are lesser, but no matter how sure you are that you could never love another more, you always can. I don't want to say that you definitely will -- no false promises here -- but I've lost count of how many times I've met someone and discovered that I needed a whole new approach to language to even try to talk about them.

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Last modified on 2005-January-31.