From kendrick@io.com Mon Nov 13 14:57:18 CST 1995
Article: 25952 of alt.toys.transformers
Path: news.io.com!io.com!not-for-mail
From: kendrick@io.com (Kendrick Kerwin Chua)
Newsgroups: alt.toys.transformers
Subject: TF Weekday 11/13 - Only Human
Date: 13 Nov 1995 14:31:05 -0600
Organization: Illuminati Online
Lines: 91
Message-ID: <4889u9$ehh@bermuda.io.com>
NNTP-Posting-Host: bermuda.io.com
Status: RO
X-Status:

TF Weekday Nov 13 1995 - Only Human

The EI/AD: Synthoids, artificial human bodies custom tailored for your
infiltration needs! Flexible, malleable, and nearly completely sentient!
Contact Extensive Enterprises for all your evil invention needs!

The plot: After his latest explosive heist is foiled by the Autobots, a
crime boss named Drath seeks out the services of a /mercenarie ancien/
named Snake. Using Synthoid technology, Drath is able to lure Rodimus,
Magnus, Arcee, and Springer into his home, and transplant their minds
into four artificial human bodies. While his cronies fail to dispose of
the humans, Snake convices Drath to use the Autobot shells for his own
purposes. While the Autobots deal with their situation, finding clothes
and attempting to inform the others back at Metroplex, Snake refits the
four Bots with controls, and Drath uses them to terrorize people and cart
explosives around. Springer muscles his way into the crime scene and
takes the controls of his own body. Rodimus stumbles into the bedchamber
of Michelle, Drath's girlfriend. Arcee runs off back to Metroplex where
nobody believes her story, and Magnus gets captured. As Springer rescues
Magnus, Arcee is put in a padded rooms while Rodimus is duped by Michelle
into Drath's waiting hands. Drath, in classic cartoon bad-guy mode,
reveals his plan to blow up Metroplex to Rodimus, who is able to beat up
everybody in the room and subjugate Drath. Meanwhile, Springer and Magnus
shoot at Metroplex, which is their only method of communicating that the
four Autobots driving their way are not what they seem. Perceptor is able
to reverse the process, putting everybody back in their bodies, and Drath
is put away. Snake wanders off, muttering about how terrorists aren't
made like they once were, screaming his old familiar battle cry as he
disappears into the sunset...

The characters: For those of you who didn't watch GIJoe, or are just real
thick-headed, Snake is Cobra Commander, long after the dissolution of his
old terrorist organization-determined-to-rule-the-world. For a long time,
many people thought that this was discontinuous, seeing as how Cobra
Commander was turned into a mindless animal at the end of GIJoe the
movie. But that's all fine and dandy now, since the movie was officially
retconned by Hasbro out of existence, and that the DIC GIJoe show seems
to have Cobra Commander rehumanized out of his earlier snake existence.
Anybody care to complain about Arcee being blonde and having Princess
Leia hair? It's too bad she's so stereotypical as a human, but what's
even worse is the suggestion that Rodimus made the most of his humanity
when he was trapped in Michelle's bedroom (listen to his last line in the
episode, and you'll see that there's evidence there other than our own
wild imaginations.) I suppose that this is a good example of there being
stuff in these episodes that you can't really understand or appreciate
until you're an adult. Then again, there are people who will probably
trace all the sex-filled fanfic that's written to this one episode, or
maybe to 'The Search for Alpha Trion'...

The plot holes: Ok, so Synthoids are made wearing BVDs and Hanes, right?
Ok, so they were able to find work clothes hanging in the landfill
offices that just happen to be the same colors as their robot bodies,
right? So Drath wanted them killed outside his house, so he sends them to
a landfill, right? So you can pilot an Autobot as a fully bipedal mecha
with two levers and a keyboard, right? So Springer and Magnus couldn't
figure out how to work a radio from inside Springer's helicoptor mode, so
they had to shoot their friends instead, right? So the matrix stayed
inside Rodimus' robot body when his mind got yanked out, right? So
Springer can pull a lever and make his body transform into helicopter
mode without actually making the transform noise or changing any parts
around, right? (ref. when he rescues Magnus from the warehouse)

Moving pictures: Decent animation, although you do have a scene where the
four empty Autobots are pulling up to Drath's warehouse and you see not
Rodimus Prime but Hot Rod. The best animation seems to be saved for when
everybody is a human, because you get a lot of attention to detail. The
messiest animation comes at the beginning and the end. Granted, it gives
you a nice sense of scale and makes the robots seem much bigger, but on
the other hand it makes transform sequences and robo-walking look
amateurish.

The cuts: Can't tell. Anyone? Bueller?

Toys they should reissue: I want a new Magnus toy, dammit. One that
doesn't look like Prime, and one that's actually slightly posable. You
know, it'd be cool if they retooled the Magnus armor slightly so that it
looked like Prime still, so that you could have a Powermaster Prime
that's based on the original Prime design.

Quotables:
"The path to true humanity! Only $4.95! Tax deductible!"
"Sorry pal, I'm a robot at heart."

"They just don't make terrorists like they used to..."

KKC, finally! I'm caught up! Now I can comfortably procrastinate again. :)
--
Kendrick Kerwin Chua - "London? You put the Eiffel Tower back... in London?!"
kendrick@io.com - WTB: 1980s Transformers, US and Japanese, and GIJoe figures
Necronomcon FAQ home page at http://www.io.com/~kendrick/necronomicon or anon
FTP at io.com:/pub/usr/kendrick -Personal home at http://www.io.com/~kendrick