From news.bu.edu!bloom-beacon.mit.edu!news.kodak.com!news-nysernet-16.sprintlink.net!news-east1.sprintlink.net!news-peer1.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!howland.erols.net!newsfeed.cwix.com!206.165.3.11!nntp.primenet.com!news.primenet.com!not-for-mail Mon Jan 11 12:05:53 1999 Path: news.bu.edu!bloom-beacon.mit.edu!news.kodak.com!news-nysernet-16.sprintlink.net!news-east1.sprintlink.net!news-peer1.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!howland.erols.net!newsfeed.cwix.com!206.165.3.11!nntp.primenet.com!news.primenet.com!not-for-mail From: Tim Sneath Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet Subject: [freeserve.discuss] Replying to queries in Freeserve news groups FAQ v1.0 (Unofficial) Followup-To: alt.humor.best-of-usenet.d Date: 10 Jan 1999 05:36:17 GMT Organization: best of usenet humor Lines: 71 Approved: ahbou-mod@acpub.duke.edu Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: usr01.primenet.com X-Complaints-To: abuse@globalcenter.net X-Posted-By: user99@206.165.6.201 (user99) X-Disclaimer: The "Approved" header verifies header information for article transmission and does not imply approval of content. See .sig below. X-Submissions-To: ahbou-sub@acpub.duke.edu X-Posting-Moderator: bogrow X-FAQ-Is-At: ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/faqs/best-of-usenet-humor X-FAQ-Via-WWW: http://www.eey.org/bother!/ahbou X-For-FAQ-Mailto: ahboufaq@eey.org Xref: news.bu.edu alt.humor.best-of-usenet:6644 Subject: Replying to queries in Freeserve news groups FAQ v1.0 (Unofficial) From: "Taxis @ Corby Cabs" Newsgroups: freeserve.discuss Replying to queries in Freeserve news groups FAQ v1.0 (Unofficial) When replying to questions in freeserve.discuss the following guidelines should be adhered to at all times. 1. Before digesting the actual content of the message, thoroughly scan the message for spelling errors, if possible run 2 spell checkers over it. If a spelling error is found, no matter how trivial then you should immediately fire off an extremely sarcastic reply pointing the error out. If at all possible you should also question the authors education and intelligence. If they can't spell they should not be using a computer. 2. If no spelling errors are found then closely scrutinise the message for grammatical misuse, such as misplaced commas, full stops, mis-capitalisation and similar. If any such mistakes are found then a sarcastic reply as above should be sent. 3. Most important: If the message is capitalised then post a reply along the lines of "There's no need to shout" or "I'm not deaf you know". Do not explain what you mean by this. 4. Obvious newbie mistakes such as repeat posting should signal a reply along the lines of "I am reporting you to abuse@planet.net for spamming, bawheed" 5. If no mistakes found so far, you may commence reading the message. 6. Bearing in mind that freeserve.discuss is for discussing things of interest to you and your online buddies then any post which asks a question is obviously well off topic and the questioner should be directed to the appropriate news group. For example if some cretin were to enquire "I can only get this news group what should I do?" then a reply such as "Ask this question in alt.usenet.news, dogsbreathe." would suffice. 7. If the question involves any piece of computer kit or software, then they should be directed to the appropriate news group as above. 8. Posts about non computer/sofware related topics should be treated with contempt e.g. anyone Making political comments should be regarded as a pinko commie subversive and reported to Maggie Thatcher (mags@handbag.freeserve.co.uk) she will sort them out. If Maggie not available try Buckers. 9. If non of the above rules apply then fall back to strategy B. This involves referring to the hapless poster as various body parts. Genital and rectal areas should be favoured. 10. At no time should you answer the question being asked, some of these baboons will pretend to be really desperate for help, it is a trick. 11. Keep this up for about a week and the lowlife will give up and join Pipex leaving Freeserve for us true believers. Don't forget, YOU know best. Happy newsgrouping. Inspired by Andy and his dropped news groups. PS As you can gather it is very quiet here tonight. -- Moderators accept or reject articles based solely on the criteria posted in the Frequently Asked Questions. Article content is the responsibility of the submitter. Submit articles to ahbou-sub@acpub.duke.edu. To write to the moderators, send mail to ahbou-mod@acpub.duke.edu.