Submitted stories

This is the repository for the many, many story submissions I have received since opening this site. You can return to the master list with this link or the navbox, or just by taking the "?story=blah" out of the url.

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Mez
2003-Sep-20

Well, you wanted the man's side, and I guess this is some small example. Note that I'm using this as a kind of flagellation - which would appear to be totally normal - so here goes:

December 22nd is a day that will be burned onto my memory until the day I die. December 22nd was the day, four years ago, on which my own bitter tale begins. Now I don't know if anyone else has ever had this, but the scenario pretty much happened as follows: I walked into the room, looked at this girl I had already known for a year, and a switch in my brain (such as it is) reading "My god, she's unbelieveably gorgeous" came on. At the time it felt pleasant; little did I know what I was walking into. She seemd to work it out as soon as it happened, which not only doesn't bode well for my acting career (j/k) but meant that things were not gonna be easy. I accepted from the first that I didn't have a chance with her. Not in the slightest. And to be honest for the first six months it was pretty cool. Then, for some reason I cannot explain, it became so much more intense. I really, really think that from then on it was actual love. And so I kept getting more and more friendly with this girl who I had barely noticed before. This was for the eventual objective of actually dating her. Well, that was never going to happen and never is. I know that - which doesn't make my life any easier - and I knew it then. But still I kept trying, kept getting closer to her. Then, in retrospect, I was foolish. I decided to ask her out somewhere.

After the event I realised I had been seriously over-optimistic about how close I was to her. But anyway, I asked her. It took me over an hour just to write the email and over a week to get the courage to do that, which made it somewhat ironic that it took only 2 hours to get the email saying "no." Anyone who has ever seen that, coupled with the totally crushing words "I like you but only as a friend" will be able to appreciate why for the next three months it became physically taxing to even move. I felt depressed, par excellence. Words cannot describe how I felt; the sheer humilitation of the rejection, the fact that I was clearly not gonna be with her, it was a very bad combo. I used to just sit at my desk, unable to think about anything but her and unable to summon the energy to lift a pen, or to turn my head, or to talk. I just wanted to sleep until it was all over; either that or die, except that I couldn't even find the energy to die by my own hand. It took me three months of painful painful work.

Since then I've just been in constant manic-depression; exchanging a few words with her, or seeing her smile, or laugh, or even just say hi can lift my mood for an hour and then I can come onto a low so potent I just sit and sit, unable to summon the force to move. My friends all say "get over her." SHE says (as a matter of fact she said tonight) "get over it." Still I cannot find words to explain how I feel about her; the closest I can come to is that it's like asking a moth not to move to a lightbulb. If she's in the room, I really cannot focus on anything else, anything. When she leaves, I feel low. Therefore, when I heard that she was dating a friend of mine I seriously began to look at high buildings with interest. Three months later it ended. Not that I'll ever trust him again, or his brother (who was not involved in any way.)

I'm not quite sure where to go with this. I'm totally lost. I'm not gonna get with her; I can't get over her because she's the most wonderful, beautiful person in the entire universe and I'd gladly sacrifice my life for her, and nobody else comes close. She's the one reason I still have any belief that there's something good in the world; she's the cause of my greatest highs and lows, my worst pain and best pleasure, all my joy and all my heartache. I can long for her as much as I like, but I know that I'll never be with her; that's what makes it all the more painful.

Mez, UK

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