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I really enjoyed reading your site - maybe I'm not going mad after all. I'm a newcomer to this unrequited love thing at the tender age of 36! I've recently become besotted with a man at work (I'm female) but don't know when it actually happened. We''ve worked for the same company for about 12 months.
When I first saw him I thought, he's really nice but that was that. As I've got to know him I just KNOW in my heart that he's the man for me and that I could make him happier than any other living being out there - mad or what?!! But that's how I feel. He doesn't have a clue. Yes, I send him email and agonise how to sign on and off and how to inject "I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU" in the middle of it without actually typing it. Trouble is I just end up joking about and addressing it to Hi Gorgeous (I thought I was really brave with that one but it took me an hour to think up and even then I only pressed enter in a moment of madness) and he replies with Hi Babe. But then I swoon and grin all round the office for at least half an hour just because there is an email in my inbox from him - so you can imagine what I'm like when I get to the Hi Babe!
In my mind, the Hi Babe just confirms that he really knows how I feel and he feels that same for me but can't say it because he's living with his partner. He just doesn't know how to get rid of her. But they're not married so he can't love her that much can he? No-one knows, but I tell everyone I'm in love but won't tell them who with and just expect them to know who it is?! Bizarre. I talk to all my friends about him constantly looking for little signs of agreement from them (who don't even know him) that the Hi Babe and little x at the end of emails are signs that he's interested.
I only have to think about him and I grin from ear to ear. When he comes and speaks to me at work I go bright red and shaky (really attractive - I must resemble a strawberry jelly). I can't concentrate on what he's saying and recently, because I feel that my behaviour is giving me away I'm offish with him and pretend to be busy while he's talking to me so I don't have to look at him!!
I have dreamt about him - cuddled in bed (no sex but he had an erection so he wants me really), hugs and kisses (no sex). I'm just waiting for the sex dream to come along. Just one little kiss (snog) in real life and I'd be happy.......I have thought about telling him but then I would rather hack my nipples off with a rusty saw than go through the humiliation and disappointment of rejection.
Self help - I am going to counselling, replacing my batteries and joining salsa classes (to get rid of the inner passion) and practicing calming techniques such as meditation. I'm not getting anywhere though......
oh well, he's worth it. - Mandy
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