Submitted stories

This is the repository for the many, many story submissions I have received since opening this site. You can return to the master list with this link or the navbox, or just by taking the "?story=blah" out of the url.

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Yet Another J
2003-Aug-31

Met "A" through an internet personal. Witty, intelligent, sounded normal, looked cute-ish in pics. But I wasn't really expecting much more than a pleasant (i.e. boring) blind date, where at the end of the evening, we said our cordial goodbyes and that was it.

Walked in to actually meet him in real life, and there was instant electricity. We "clicked". He was incredibly smart, adventurous, genuine, and easy on the eyes. We dated for about 3 weeks, and spent a lot of time together very fast. I knew from the beginning that he was also dating other people, but I also knew I wasn't imagining how well things between us were going.

Then he dumped me. He was staring to get serious with one of the other women he was dating. We'll call her "K". I was stung pretty badly, but prepared to walk away and lick my wounds. He, however, gave me the "let's be friends" speech. At first, I declined. But then I decided that maybe it was worth trying, since he was such an amazing guy, and we definitely had a connection, and it would be a shame to lose such a great person in my life just because we didn't work as a couple.

Then we began the "quasi-dating". A few weeks later, we had a one night stand. Which, actually, wasn't that great, and happened before he had the "exclusivity clause" with K (therefore not "cheating"). But we kept "hanging out". I was developing deep feelings. We talked about everything, enjoyed the same hobbies, had similar outlooks on life, enjoyed each other's sense of humor. K. (whom I'd never met) was jealous. Our "quasi-dates" had an illicit air to them which made them even more fun. Coincidentally, we were both planning moves to London. I kept saying "We'll never see each other in London" (trying to avoid harboring secret daydreams of us falling in love in a far away land), and he kept assuring me that we would (thus reinforcing the daydreams I was trying to eradicate).

Then he invited K. to move to London as well. I realized at that point that he was in love with her, and decided to stop tormenting myself and end the friendship. That resolution lasted about 2 weeks, before I got sucked back in. I knew it was futile, and hopeless, and tried desperately to turn my feelings for him off, but to no avail. I fell in love, and hard.

Although he'd asked K to move to London, he never mentioned that I was moving there as well. Nothing was definite (work permits up in the air, and such), and he decided that it was prudent not to cause a stir with K over something that might or might not come to pass.

He moved first, I arrived about 6 weeks later. We hung out a lot. K came to visit, and he broke the news to her that I was already in London. She was upset, but he persuaded her that we were "just friends" and she gave her seal of approval. Then K suddenly had an aiplane ticket and an arrival date. She was moving here for good. They would be living together.

I couldn't bear to watch it. I couldn't stand being in love with him, watching him be in love with someone else. So I decided to tell all, and walk away forever. (Very melodramatic, no?) I figured that would *have* to be the end of it, and one way or another, I'd get over my heatbreak and move on. We met the day before K was due to arrive, and I confessed that I was in love with him, therefore, we could no longer be friends. He had the good graces to look upset, said there were no hard feelings and that he understood, but if I ever changed my mind...

Two tear-soaked and wine-saturated days later, I changed my mind. I apologized for the whole thing and said I wanted to try to keep our friendship. He said perhaps we needed a few months to let things smooth over. I assumed I would, in reality, never hear from him again, and began the painful process of trying to rid myself of my obsessive thoughts about him, my fantasies and daydreams, and all around general idolization. I kept busy, and tried not to talk about him, or think about him, or write in my journal about how every little thing remnded me of him. And slowly, gradually, amazingly, I finally began to get some balance back in my life. I was sad, but hopeful.

Seven weeks later, he called, out of the blue. And I not only got sucked back in, but ended up meeting K. And now I submit myself to the torture of hearing about their wonderful life, and all their travels, and their successes, and the potential for their future together here in Jolly Old England.

I know they'll end up getting married eventually. I know that he and I will never be anything but "just friends". I know that the longer I stay in contact with him, the harder I make it on myself. And I have tried to move on. I've dated other people. I've tried to be casual and nonchalant. I've tried being distant. None of it works. And now, I am in the position of being like the girl who cried "wolf", in that if I do summon the courage to walk away and end things irrevocably, he'll never take it seriously. He knows that I am pining away for him, and all he would have to do is ask. He's got my heart in the palm of his hand, and he knows it...

--

["J" was kind enough to update her story for me. Here is what she had to say in October 2005:]

So after K moved over, I forced myself to hang out with the two of them together. Yeah - I know. It was difficult, to say the least, but it gave me some perspective on why he and I never had any future together. Why it was always her and not me. Why continuing to believe anything else would only be fooling myself, and limiting my *real life* by choosing to live in a dream world that didn't exist.

And in forcing myself to "get over it"... I got over it. It certainly wasn't instantaneous, but I made an effort. Somewhere along the way, I met and fell in love with an amazing man. Someone I never would have met if I had been pining away for A. And I have something with him that I could never have had with A. Which is a relationship with someone who thinks *I* am the perfect one for him. A and I never would have worked - I can see that now. We might have dated for a while, but we never would have lasted. I am happily married now, and believe it or not, am still good friends with A... *and* K.

Sometimes life hands you what seems like all the right ingredients - but if the timing isn't right, or something is just a *little bit* off, none of the recipe can come together. No one's fault. Just the way it is sometimes. And to be really cliched, "you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you'll find you get what you need..."

--

Comments from Steve-o:

I really appreciate this update from "J". When you're confronted with a personal crisis, it helps a lot to know that you aren't alone. That's a big part of what this site is about. But it is also very valuable to hear from people who lived through it and moved on, to see what they think about the ordeal now that they have a little more perspective. I think J's comments are right on the mark, especially where she says that her unrequited love was "limiting my *real* life". I think that realization is an important part of recovering from this sort of quagmire.

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