Life is about change. As much as you'd like to maintain a veil of
secrecy around your heart, it often becomes impossibly difficult. One
way or another, your Adored One may eventually become privy to your
torment. This is the crucial point in the story, the moment that your
entire life has been building up to. What will happen next?
There are three broad categories into which nearly all reactions can
be be pigeonholed: A) No changes. B) Adored One withdraws. C) Adored
One is supportive, but does not share your feelings. Let's take a
slightly closer look at these possibilities:
No change. Basically, this means that after finding out
you are in love with them, your Adored One does not behave any
differently. Depending on why, exactly, this might be good or bad.
- It could mean that they are okay with being loved by you as
long as you don't expect them to reciprocate. This can be
very liberating, as it allows you to shed many of your burdens
and unabashedly revel in the elation of knowing them. All
this without any worries about where things are going.
- It could also mean that they are terrified and in a state of
denial or mock-denial. This isn't what we're hoping for. If
they acutely refuse to discuss the matter at all, or seem to
be under the impression that your twenty-page confession was
just a dream brought on by spoiled cheese, then you may as
well move on to the dénouement. It's just going to get
worse from here.
Probably the most common reaction, unfortunately. Upon learning
that you are interested in them -- whether by admission, rumor,
or their own perceptiveness -- they begin giving you the cold
shoulder. It could be subtle or completely in-your-face. What
leads them to behave thusly? Some possibilities:
- When one does not know what to do, a common fallback is to
do nothing. So, basically, by seeing their inner light
you have placed them at a disadvantage. Confused and
uncertain, they have become uncomfortable with the situation
and choose to back away. The resultant emptiness that gnaws
at your sanity simply lies outside of their calculations;
it is not a malicious act.
- Their life is complicated enough without having a new
admirer, leading them to attempt to cut any further
development short by breaking off contact. It's the
only simple measure at their disposal.
- Demonic possession. Call a priest immediately.
- Your Adored One is not actively trying to hurt you, but
doing what they think is in your best interest. By making
themselves distant, your affections for them may lessen
and eventually lead to a more stable situation, at which
time the friendship can resume largely undamaged.
Short of having your Adored One admit that they share your feelings,
this is about the best things can get. Making it clear that they
do not want a relationship, they may nonetheless offer genuine and open
sympathy for your heartache.
If you don't know what's going on, and would like to, my best
advice is to ask. If the Adored One doesn't like discussing it, you
may be out of luck, but often the easiest way to figure out what
somebody is thinking is to have them tell you.
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Last modified on 2005-January-31.