Agony and Rapture
Welcome to "Unrequited Love: Agony and Rapture", your guide to
suffering through an intense unrequited crush, whether it is still a
secret from your Adored One, or already revealed. This largely-sarcastic
catharsis was inspired by my own many wanderings through the halls of
misery (the 2001 installment in particular) and by
"I Just Want To Be Friends",
Joe "Logon" Loong's classic WWW tribute to supposedly-platonic
I created this site mostly for myself, as a way of taking command
of my emotions again after being sent through the wringer, but I have
three objectives as far as what I hope the site can do for other
First, "Agony and Rapture" is supposed to be funny. Those
suffering through crushes are often in desperate need of a good
chuckle. Laughing at oneself is healthy, and poking fun at this
subject can give we who suffer some perspective on what we're doing to
ourselves and, sometimes, to the ones we care about. Second, this site
is a giant, rancid heap of pain and empathy. Everyone goes through
this from time to time. By reading the anecdotes and tips here you
can at once wallow in your own misery and also be comforted
by a sense of communal misery. And third, I want to give the
Adored Ones a window into the hearts of those that care about them.
Communication and understanding form a positive-feedback loop, but it
can be very difficult to get the ball rolling. Hopefully this site
can teach people how to deal with being fancied in a productive
Although I want the site to be entertaining, I've written very
little which I do not actually mean. Some sections are almost entirely
sarcastic while still being in many ways true, actual advice. Other
sections are low on jokes and are offered in hopes of actually helping
readers find perspective. And some of my comments are complete nonsense.
It all comes and goes depending on my feelings on the sub-topic and my
level of inspiration. I don't delineate the site with
<facetious> tags, so you'll have to trust your own instincts on
what my goal is with any given statement.
With that all said, here's a look at what the site has to offer.
Each section contains a collection of short items, humerous and
otherwise, that have been written by me, the webmaster, or submitted by
friends or random visitors to the site. Eventually, I'd like to
include anecdotes from both sides of the issue (that is, the adored
and the adorers) in order to make the site more useful.
- Spending time and talking with your beloved is sometimes
complicated by the requirement that you memorize every word
they say while simultaneously scanning their body language for
any indication that they have secretly fallen in love with you.
Make sure you're not doing anything wrong by checking these
tips for communication.
- Unfortunately, you can't spend every waking moment with your
Adored One. That's where
fantasies and daydreams
come in. There is simply no better way to agonize over what you
want but will never have. In this section you'll find a list of
prototypical daydreams as well as some specific examples to get
- Don't limit yourself to daydreaming, though! There are hundreds
of other things you can think about or do that will make your
head hurt and your stomach shudder. Look over these
other ways to torture yourself
and see what you've been missing!
- Chances are that if your crush lasts long enough, your Adored One
will figure out that you're interested. Maybe you'll tell them,
maybe somebody will tip them off, or maybe you'll just become so
incredibly transparent that they'd have to be braindead not to
notice. (The last one's the way it usually goes for me.)
Prepare yourself for the inevitable; there are a number of
ways they may react.
- Unless you manage to get into a relationship with the object of
your affections and end up married, you're going to have to
eventually get over them. If the confrontation above is the
climax of our story, then next we have
the dénouement in which the
conflict is resolved -- one way or another -- and we figure out
what the world will be like in the aftermath.
- Here's a special section written specifically
for the Adored Ones:
A friend has developed a crush on you? Feeling weird around
them? Wondering what to do? Here are some things you might
want to consider to help you grind the poor thing's heart into
the dirt with your heel.
- Love is perhaps the world's most prolific muse. If you're out
there suffering through an unrequited devotion, you may find some
solace in artistic explorations of the topic. With that in
mind, I've put together a list of relevant
media. Basically it amounts to a list of sappy movies
and love songs. What are you waiting for?
- I get a lot of emails about this site, most of them being story
submissions. You guys really like to relive your pain by writing
about it! So, here is what will soon be the largest section of the
site -- but also the one with the least organization --
painful stories submitted by readers
for all the world to share.
- This site is presented mostly in jest, but I do have
a serious note that I feel
should be addressed.
- Also, I've noticed that some of the people who read this site just
don't seem to get what I'm trying to accomplish, or end up with some
misconceptions about me and my motives for writing the site in the
first place. If you're wondering
what the deal is with this place, try
- I would love to have this site continue improve and grow through
more submissions of material from
readers. If you have an anecdote or joke to share, please do
so! You will be credited (or left anonymous if you prefer),
- Looking for more punishment? Here's a collection of
links on the topics of love,
lonliness, and the like.
If you prefer, you can
read this site in German thanks to Patrick Woitala.
Want to see what else I have on the web? Head over to
This page hand-coded by Steve-o Stonebraker
(firstname.lastname@example.org) in HTML and PHP.
Last modified on 2007-June-19.